In the past with other therapists, namely the best therapist I ever had whom I miss greatly every day and with the one who died, I've managed to cross their boundaries, and they've always dealt with it fantastically. Even when it came out as a flat refusal to see me even in one of my most dire needs. She knew I was becoming too reliant on her, especially after she did go out of her way to see me outside of session (She was a therapist I saw at the college who they hired for students who needed therapy but didn't have insurance to see), so going to her was super easy. She was right in the student development center.

And I remember once I was so upset in the middle of a panic attack and sobbing and I begged to see her, but she wouldn't even come out of her office, she had her receptionist tell me, "T says you are not scheduled, she'll be happy to see you at the scheduled appointment time and thinks this is a good opportunity for you to put into work some of the things discussed in therapy." At the time of course I was angry, hurt, and feeling betrayed. How could she?! But I realize now, that we both knew, and she mentioned herself a few sessions prior, that I was becoming much too dependent on others when I was upset. I would constantly need to be seen for anything that upset me. And we both knew that wasn't healthy or the right way to cope. I just needed someone to diffuse it, otherwise I'd work myelf up into such a horrid state I could barely move before I came crashing down. But my T said sometimes you need to crash, what you do before you crash is what matters. To try the things I was taught, and to keep doing it until I found something that may work and keep at it.

Her refusal to see me was the best decision for both of us. It helped me in immesurable ways. I'm sure it may come off as cold and uncaring to some but it was what was perfectly right in the situation. Not trying to idolize her she crossed a few lines with me which I told her so to her face eventually, but she was right to turn me away and tell me to deal with it myself for once.

However I never had a T cross so many boundaries at once. I'm not sure quite how to handle this one crossing a boundary, with my original T it was so easy. She made one off-hand comment I didn't particularly like about my school work, like she was my mother chastising her child and I didn't like that at all and told her so. I told her I was angry with her, and that it was inappropriate and I didn't appreciate it. Which she commented on the fact that it was okay to be angry and she could understand it, and she gave her reason for doing it (If I didn't get good grades and flunked out I wouldn't be able to see her), but also told me she found it interesting that I saw her as a Mother figure but when she acted like a mother would, in my point of view, I hated it.

I can't really do that for this one, my emotions or anything don't seem to affect her. The last time I told her I was upset with her she got super defensive about it and then turned it around so it was my fault.

How do you handle it when a T crosses a boundary?