I hope this will not come across as being totally lame, stupid, whatever. I'm aware I've brought a lot of stuff on myself. I know my problems are .... all, in comparison to other people's. They are real though, entirely. Like anybody, I have had a lot of traum, etc in my life. It's only in the past few years, I've even began to pick up on what self/care, love are. I have been on self distruct for decades. Everyone else is losing faith (in me), if their still in my world. To say I've messed up n treated everyone badly is sadly an understatement.

I understand where people are losing hope/patience. I just wish I could get em to see, my problems are not all of my own creation. This is the opinion I'm fed, whenever I try explaining to people, yes, I know how it looks (that I am just lazy, I feel sorry for myself, etc) I do agree, in part. I could do more, very true.

I moved over 10 years ago, from hometown. Gradually, over that time, if I've not driven them away, people have naturally driftedaway. I hardly go out, or see anyone. Only a friend locally, who is good to me, and we meet pretty regularly. I don't understand, how/why, my doctors n therapist, are all mostly saying, I do have genuine problems. Yet, people who have known me, for decades, if not, for my whole life, tell me, I basically just need to crack on, I'm quite simply emotional. 'They've' made it plain, my stuff is my own doing

I do feel miserable n misunderstood (opinions of others, constantly thrown back to me) no, I don't feel like I manipulate, if anything, I hold back huge amounts (thank gosh my therapist sees it) I'm getting tired. I know I've anxiety n am sure I'm depressed, but I stress, depression's very rare...I mostly have anxiety.