I guess that trip to the psych ER now triggered a CPS investigation as to how well my daughter is being treated. We were having a normal Sunday evening, fixing to start to eat dinner, there's a knock at the door, and it's a lady from the CPS.

OMG, I have NEVER harmed my daughter. I never would. Sure, we've had verbal arguments but never anything physical, spanked only ever once in her life, and everyone has disagreements, especially as my daughter knows how to push my buttons. So this worker then interviewed us all separately: me, my husband, my daughter. It felt like time was in slow motion that hour or so. It's amazing I wasn't throwing up, my stomach was in such knots.

She leaves, we start trying to get things back to normal, then there is a knock at the door. The CPS worker is back. She says her supervisor said I can't be alone with my daughter until they can speak to doctors to attest that I won't hurt her. WTF?! I am always alone with her before school, and I pick her up after school and am alone with her until my husband gets home. The worker asked my husband if he could "monitor" me with my daughter, but no, he can't not without taking off work and possibly risking his job (especially as the worker could not say how soon she would get these things done), and they have to do some psychological evaluation of me, and God knows how long that will take? My sister can't do it. She's got 2 kids in school, 1 at home and my other sister lives in Plano (Dallas area, a good 4-6 hour drive from here and just had ACL surgery). I called my mom in a panic asking if she can come stay over, and she finally grudgingly sort of maybe agrees with a lot of blame & repetition about how much I'm messing up her life. OMG. I had been feeling so sick to my stomach dealing with the CPS worker, and then my own mother heaps blame on top of me and won't help me out, just gives me grief.

Try to settle down again. CPS worker back at the door. Do I have the forms they gave me at dismissal from the psych ER? She takes pics of the discharge forms.

We try to start calming down again. Knock at the door AGAIN. CPS worker again. Has again talked to her supervisor, and since the doctor on the psych ER discharge form wrote that I am stable, there is no need to have me monitored while alone with my daughter.

I call my mom. Takes repeated attempts as the home phone is busy. She's not answering the 2nd line (they put that in back when dialup internet was always tying up the home/business line), but it's got no answering machine on it. Not answering her cell. Finally get hold of her, tell her she doesn't have to come over after all, and she's like "Thank God". Then, she starts in again on telling me what I should or shouldn't have done, how she knew this was going to trigger a CPS case, etc. I hung up on her. I really, really don't need guilt & blame at this moment.

Now, I'm so anxious. I guess this case is supposed to be wrapped up within 30 days according to the CPS worker. She didn't see signs my daughter was abused or afraid to be alone with me. I still have to have the CPS psychological assessment, which if they can't schedule it nearby, she said they'd send someone out to pick me up and drive me to whatever place they refer to in Houston because I told her I hate driving into Houston and most especially into downtown and the Medical Center, which was the area she was proposing.

So I guess I just didn't have enough stress already. Now I've got a stupid CPS case.

I'm practically at the point of throw me in the mental hospital and leave me there; life just gets worse and worse.

I'm not suicidal other than passively (i.e., I wouldn't care if I went to sleep tonight and didn't wake up tomorrow morning), but I don't have any active plans, ideations, etc.

Forms to navigate through to get disability in my case are hard and impossible. CPS worker said it would likely take 2 to 3 appeals before being able to get disability, if I ever AM able under these circumstances. But the government and the state want to make it so hard, you just want to give up, confusing forms, needing to submit my husband's paystubs when they are electronic, so what, we print one out off his work emails and that is proof of a paystub? They say they need a doctor to fill out a disability form as to why you can't work, but they don't give you a form, tell you where to find one, or where your doctor is to send it.

So just as I was starting to try to get back some normalcy, all this crap happens. And it is going to take my mom awhile to get back into my good graces. First, when I was taken to the psych ER, she emailed my husband offering to "take" my daughter and raise her with my dad (and my dad is all kinds of messed up, not to mention my mom defers to him 100% on everything). Then, she hesitates and doesn't offer to help me out of a tough bind and starts blaming me on top of a time I'm so seriously messed up, I probably should go to the psych hospital.

So just when you think your life can hardly suck more than it is, think again, because yes, here's more crap to deal with!!