Mindsofmary,

I know what you mean about the flashbacks, I am having them all over the place. My t gave me xanax to slow them down so I can contain them better and it is helping. Not entirely but they have slowed down. Therapy for me unleashed them. Plus I have had affirmation of SA recently and that too has releashed more. In the shower, before sleep, drying my hair, anytime I let my guard down. And going to therapy too. I switched probably three times right before going into therapy and wound up fainting on T. Two much switching. I realized lately that another one came out at the of therapy to help be get through it. So 4 times that day. With two different ones. ONe is the dangerous one. She wants to do things I don't. The second one is the protector. Anyway, it was so much I had the worst headache for the rest of the day. But my t told me it would get like this and he is trying to help me through it. But he is opposed to hospital. I wonder why one is for one is not. Different views I guess.

I sometimes would welcome hosiptal as my family doesn't know. So I hide all this from them. My H and children don't know. My son suspects. It makes it so much harder. So I understand and while for me my T is my only support too many inside still don't like or think therapy is right. So the voices get so loud right before therapy.

I think talking to yourself during the switching as much as possible helps. I can do this better each time. Not always but better. At first I couldnt at all. So try to do it, it will get better. I sometimes can control the switching. But after the other day, I realized the bad one, as I call her had been out for days. I did not know. She is really dangerous. No suicide just bad bad things. I have to watch. I have to try to watch for her but she is sneaky. She buys stuff, she downloads stuff, she is something else.

Sorry I rambled just wanted you to know you aren't alone and we can try to help you and support you.

I think sometimes that only other DID's can truly understand because even T's don't always understand. My t who has alot of DID experience, I still get frustrated trying to talk about it to him. Vocalizing it is hard. Words sometimes just don't convey the right meaning you know. But I keep trying and you need too.

Hospitals I guess are scary, I have never been as I hide it really well even still.

Keep checking in here. Please keep hope in your mind. I think the one that wants to do the suicide thing is afraid somehow you might try to get rid of them. Keep assuring them you won't. That in talking to T everyone still has a place. You will keep them safe, and they will always be a part, sharing is the word I use. We share the space. When I did that the suicide thoughts went away.

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