I'm tortured by my memories and the feelings and shame guilt and anger they bring me . There's no escape from it .

My present is very bad . I can not function and carry out daily tasks that people need to do .
I can barely leave my home and if I do it has to be by car there and back .
I have no friends
My family won't help me
Professionals say I have to do all the work , they are not helping at all
I hate myself because of how I'm living ( or should I say how I'm not living )
I hate myself because of the memories
Even if it wasn't a memory of me doing something wrong
Alot of my memories are about people taking advantage of me or abusing me but it makes me hate myself because I allowed it to happen .
Ok I can't blame myself for things that happened to me when I was little but so many things happened as an adult and I blame myself that I let this happen or was too stupid and trusting to avoid it .

I was told to use the trigger icon but I don't have it on this device so I'll just type it
Trigger

Trigger

Trigger

Trigger

The suicidal thoughts are winning at the moment
It's true that part of me wants to live ......but not like this .....I know nothing will change or improve because I am severely damaged !!
The damage will never be undone !!
I'm an embarrassment to everyone and too myself
I don't even deserve to be alive
I'm wasting oxygen

What do mental health charities do ??
Apparently there are lots of mental health charities but what do they do ?

I can't even phone the Samaritans . Sigh