yeah, i think that ... well, both. at the end of the day, it is still SI. *but* if taking control and harming in a "safer" way (if there is such thing) will keep you from severe harm, then that is what is for now. None of us can make that choice for you tho - as i'm sure you know. i have had some moments like that and did injure so as to get it over with and not injure worse... but it seems like at some point it was just an excuse and i did injure worse anyway.
i know it was asked - do you have a t? can you call t before when you know it's gonna happen? can you go to the er and tell them you're gonna injure? (i haven't been able to do that one, even tho t suggested it to me).
best to you!