Fuzzybear, I am 61 and the generation I grew up in the message to children was "do as you are told" and keep your mouth shut, no talking, obey, obey, obey and children were not to question and even had to accept what is now called bullying, abuse, and neglect even when the teacher or parent behaves badly, a child is told to respect and obey that teacher and some teachers and parents were actually bullies.

Fuzzy, the reason "you are responsible for your own happiness" can bring up anger and resentment in you is because if a child is exposed to a lot of dysfunctional behaviors it's really hard for any child to feel any kind of personal power to develop a sense where that child is actually in control and has a sense of freedom to pursue their own happiness. So many children are encouraged to believe that something is only important if someone else, an authority type figure "says" it's important. A lot of children were encouraged to believe their value was always determined by someone else too. And what that can end up causing is a child that unknowingly keeps gravitating to a certain kind of person in an effort to FINALLY gain respect and permission to have value and the problem with that is it is this kind of person that NEVER allows that to take place. It can "seem" like this particular person is capable of that, they can seem really nice too, but that's really not how these individuals operate and the problem with that is they are like this because they themselves were groomed to be that way.

Fuzzy, one of the things that human beings practice that is often harmful is "shunning". This is a form of "abandonment" that is used towards individuals who fail to go along lock step with whatever is considered a structure that must be followed. What you have shared above tends to reflect the way a child can begin to feel when they are shunned if they don't allow the parental figure/figures to have all the control where you can only interact THEIR way and they threaten to abandon you by completely expelling you from your home. A parent that instills fear instead of engaging and talking and teaching a child definitely instills the wrong messages. And it's this kind of parent that teaches children they are not allowed to have feelings and emotions, the child must learn that it's the parent's feelings and emotions that are more important and it's the child's responsibility to nurture the parent so the parent is emotionally happy and satisfied. Often parents teach "codependency" and that ends up becoming the child's skills long before the child has any idea what it means. Codependency is "conditional love" in that someone is only appreciated as long as they place the other person's emotions and needs over their own. So, it's really not surprising a person that has been trained to do this struggles with "you are responsible for your own happiness". How can someone know how to self care when all they were taught to do was put the needs of others before themselves and if they did not they were shunned and abandoned?

Why is age 10 so important? Well, often that can be the maturity level of someone in that by age 10 a child tends to adhere to a pattern or structure where they slip into their role of "codependency" in some kind of "toxic" environment and that's about the time where their subconscious mind has adapted to the dysfunctional structure. Perhaps by that age a person has figured out how to adapt to not having their own feelings and emotions, but finally just goes along with servicing the emotional needs of others.

Fuzzy, for a really long time you did not say very much, you were quiet. It's good to see that you have found a voice.