Quote:
Originally Posted by Anne2.0
I don't disagree about the tone of the emails you sent, but I do feel a sense of pressure placed on him, some kind of unstated expectation that HE is messing up and not doing what he is supposed to be doing. My feeling is that a response on Sunday morning is not very meaningfully different than 24 hours from a Friday night. But what someone usually does is not a firm promise they would always do it, so my feeling is that you are holding his feet to some fire he's not particularly aware of.
I wonder about his comment, something similar to what he's said before, about how he's "tried to be clear" that he would respond only in the morning. I find myself saying things like this to my clients (I'm not a T) for those who do have what I consider to be unreasonable expectations or who tend to freak out if I am later responding to them than I said. Like if I say "a few days," they email exactly 48 hours later and remind me that it's been a few days (I suppose 1 minute into day three). With the vast majority of people, I don't need to explain what a few days means to me or otherwise feel like I have to spend time on "misunderstandings" I rarely have with anyone else.
I fully acknowledge I may be projecting my own issues into this exchange, but I wanted to write just in case it is helpful to you. I think that being more open to what may seem like criticism or anything that isn't about how great you are would be a good therapy goal for you. Because it seems to me that your distress when you think you've "messed up", at least with your T, maybe this doesn't follow you into your normal life, is pretty off the charts. I doubt any of us do this consciously, but being extremely upset when someone tells you something negative about what you did or how it affected them pressures that person to tiptoe around you and not speak about the negative. To me this feels like a burden I don't want to have, and that open dialog with others is worth the cost of hearing what they really think. This seems especially important if you get on his case about his screw-ups.
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I was a bit thrown off when you were getting so distressed over him not responding within 24 hours, even if he usually does that. He never explicitly told you "I"ll respond within 24 hours" did he? I can't remember. I get that it is an expectation, and I'd be disappointed/slightly worried if my T went longer in a reply than normal (and she has), but your anxiety seems to be pretty high over it.
I think you said it in one post, but i am guessing he wanted to talk about the stone/shell thing in session? Thats why he said "Lets discuss this tuesday." He probably wrote these emails in between some sort of activity, so was less on the ball than usual.
What I've bolded: I agree with Anne, that the tone of your emails do show that you are upset with him in some way, though he doesn't know why or what it is. I wouldn't put your anxiety as "off the charts," but I was reading your posts about you being worried/upset and I did notice how much it increased.
All that being said, I do hope tomorrow goes well. What time is your appt?