He seems to have more of a conventional psychodynamic object relational concept of boundaries, which is how i conceptualize them too.

This isn't the best diagram, just Googled, but when you are 2 separate people, you're boundaries look more like they do on the right. When you're enmeshed, you're boundaries look more like the left.



Lonesome-I think in disclosing his feelings to you about the stone is his way of trying to be separate from you in the effort to help you develop and solidify your sense of self; to get you from the left to the right circles. Maybe he is clumsy about it, but that is where I think it comes from.

When how you view yourself is dependent on the other person, such as a father figure, it can make you feel powerless as when you were a child. An infant doesn't think of itself separate from the parent-the circles are more overlapped with mother-child. If your parents didn't allow you to be autonomous, you don't grow up relating with the separate circles. With MC, you seemed to be stuck in the subset/area between the 2 sets/circles, which is enmeshed.

I have similar issues as you with male authority figures yet my Ts approach isn't similar to yours, probably just because he's psychoanalytic. He has taken a similar approach as far as not telling me his feelings. Telling feelings reinforces your self-concept depending on him. If he doesn't tell you how/why he felt that way, then you are forced to be yourself and separate.

I've never read such detailed therapy accounts as yours, so it's really interesting to see how this works out. I can tell you that it's very difficult to do therapy in a way that 'unenmeshes' you, so the more power to you to work through this stuff.