Quote:
Originally Posted by MRT6211
. . .I cannot go through the pain of losing a therapist like this again. I had abandonment issues going into therapy and now they’re so much worse. I want to quit therapy but I know I shouldn’t. How can I ever get over this, though? How can I ever trust the word of another therapist again? I don’t think I can. I guess therapy now just has to be very superficial for me.
Is it possible that therapy, even though it has helped me in a lot of ways, has been a double-edged sword, and actually served to make my abandonment issues way worse? Can therapy traumatize you? That’s what I feel like happened. Which confuses my brain. S helped (and still does help) me so much, yet she hurt me so much, too...
Sorry for ranting...my brain is spinning...
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I experienced rejection/abandonment trauma from my last T -- AND I believe that it triggered (unfelt, unprocessed) feelings of rejection from my family of origin, which I have processed somewhat with time (2 years) and the support and non-rejection of this forum, and some in-person support groups. The in-person groups have helped in that I don't feel rejected by those people, although I am on the constant lookout (but maybe that's OK, I can pick up if I'm annoying them in some way). PC has helped in that I feel much freer to express myself here, it's been great to read other people's stories and input.
I've also interviewed several therapists, looking for various of ways to get some support for myself without "therapy" exactly. I can now feel the damage the original abandonments caused. That's probably positive in that it can allow for some processing. But I'm doing that on my own now. I don't trust another T.
So, sounds to me like if you've gotten to the "core" of your issues, then . . .that's the positive side of the double edged sword. In my experience, therapy wasn't able to provide more than that. Which is really, really tough if the core, and the person who has that core, is like 3 years old. :-( But therapists are NOT substitute parents.
I'm convinced there needs to be a lot more provided to help us "grow ourselves up". I've looked and looked, tried a bunch of stuff. There's nothing that I can see out there yet that's really focused on what I feel is needed.
But everybody is different. We have to find our own way. AND we need people, and support, and the things that abandonment -- either current time or long ago -- take away.
My 2 cents, anyway.