The fates are conspiring against me today!!! Had a nice long post and the website wouldn't respond!! I don't need this!!

Don't even remember much of what I said except that since the daughter is in town, I'm getting left out of everything! There was a BBQ at my youngest son's yesterday. I wasn't invited but HUBBY was! There's a birthday party today. I wasn't invited but HUBBY was!

Ya'll know me pretty well. What is it about me?? If anyone has a clue, PLEASE tell me! Be honest... but gentle. I'll listen.

What really hurts me about all this is that hubby won't stick up for me. He goes along with the plan like a meek little lamb, all the while knowing what it's doing to me. Do I assert myself and say "If I can't go, neither can you"? Don't these idiots that I raised understand a single thing I tried to teach them about family unity? Hasn't anyone caught on that my daughter is schizophrenic and thinks irrationally?? NO! I'm the idiot, the mad woman, the one over the top!

What do I do with myself today? Where do I go? No transportation. What do I think to keep out thoughts I don't want to think? Where do I hide? My spirit says "Full steam ahead and damn the torpedoes!!" But where am I going? What am I doing? And then my body says "Who? ME???" "If I was 20 yrs younger..." (My mother's saying.) I could rip and tear around here. Lord knows it needs it and hubby takes his sweet time about it until I get out the whip! %#@&#!!!!!

One thing for sure! I don't want to end up in the hospital like I did almost three years ago! Can't let this get the best of me, but how do I avoid it?? Sonofa*****!!!

If I thought I'd survive, I'd move out of this town and separate myself from everyone and everything that hurts me. I've had ENOUGH!!!

"Beam me up, Scotty!"