As I sit here reading and tears filling my eyes, my heart goes out to your friend. I understand, and I have been there. The first thing she needs to know is this is not her fault--NOT in any way. It does not matter if alcohol was involved or not--an adult does not in any way have the right to touch a minor. It is abuse. An adult knows they are not to touch minors--authority figures or not--they have no right.

There are many reasons for not trying to stop someone from abusing you. Adults know what they are doing and many times they know just what to say, just how to threaten you. So many times they tell you that no one will believe you, that it will be worse if you tell. I know that I was threatened to be sent to the bad place. It is not her fault. She is at the stage where there are so many feelings running through her that it is hard to figure out what is happening and going on.

She is not guilty in any way. Sometimes when things like this happen, you dissociate not even there. And I have to wonder as someone else stated that maybe this is not the first time, but the first time it is being told. It takes sometimes a lot of courage to tell someone as you never know what might have been said to her.

Yes, he most certainly took advantage of her. So many times people use alcohol as an excuse, when it is not. He is still responsible for what he did. And if it continues on, who is to say alcohol will still be used. Next time it may not be the case.

Fear on her part is huge. She is young, and as we grow, feelings come that we do not even understand. Fear of getting hurt for telling. Fear of it happening again and maybe even worse. Fear of being blamed and not believed. Fear of causing someone to be taken out of a home and being blamed for that. Fear of others finding out. I could go on and on with fears that are so real to someone. Her fears are genuine and validated fears.

Sabby, I feel she has taken the first step to reaching out for support. That is so wonderful. Reaching out to you may have been the most important step taken. She has at least broken the secret. Someone else knows. Continue to talk with her and give her your support. As she feels more comfortable and trusting--maybe you can get her to reach out to the next step of someone she may trust. Give her time to continue learning that trust in you. Trust is so hard after it has been violated, that sometimes it takes a long time to get it back.

I hope she will seek out a T for support or a school counselor. I wish she could get out of the home as I think that would be best for her. But for now, just keep reaching out to her and supporting her. I send her my love and prayers even though I do not know her, but I know exactly what she is going through. Please let her know that I would be more than happy to talk to her if she would like. And above all, please--please let her know it is NOT HER FAULT BY ANY MEANS. She is the child and he is the adult--alcohol or not--he was wrong.

Keep supporting her sabby and let her know that she has a lot of support and care here.

cami