There are so few resources, it seems, on my particular situation, so I'm reaching out to see if anyone has experienced what I'm going through and see if you have any words of encouragement/warning etc.

I got divorced almost four years ago from a woman who I was married to for 8 years but in a relationship with for almost 12. I was 34 at the time of our divorce, I'm now 37. Our divorce was prompted by cheating on her part, but as I've delved deeper into my own healing, I've come to understand my own role in what occurred, and also just our general mis-matchedness that contributed. We did not have kids... she didn't want to (perhaps with me?) Either way, I've come to a place where I no longer am angry or hold her responsible.... in fact I've made strides to having a cordial relationship around mutual friends. But, the whole thing was VERY painful.

About a year and a half ago, I met someone who I immediately connected with after about two years of dating and having some connections, but nothing I would consider to be "in love." We've had the most amazing, fulfilling and healing relationship over the past year and a half. She is also divorced with no kids. She is a few years younger than I am, but our situations are very similar (in fact, we separated the same exact week). We have amazing communication and we have been making an active decision to communicate.

So, it has come to a place where she has told me that she wants to have a baby in the next two years. This gives us about a year to move in, get engaged, get married and get pregnant.

I am totally for this... but she is saying she has some worries/doubts about me. We both think maybe this is due to trauma from her divorce.... while she was elated when it first happened, she's only now dealing with the sadness and loss of what she lost with her ex-husband. I had the opposite process.

In addition, we come from pretty different backgrounds. I grew up working class, and she grew up very wealthy. I wouldn't call myself working class anymore.... I'm a highly educated professional, but she has been able to push herself even higher than I have been able to.... she makes about twice what I make with significantly more earning potential. This is fine for me, in a sense.... but one of the reasons she and her ex-husband got divorced were financial reasons.... he made significantly less than me and had a daughter from a previous relationship which put significant strain on them.

I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings. I'm in love with her, but I'm also nervous. I'm nervous about being able to support the expensive lifestyle she is used to and be an adequate contributor. I'm nervous that I might be getting myself into exactly the same situation I did before... but now potentially bringing a child into it.

We actually made a decision to go to couples counseling together and started it a couple of weeks ago. So far, it seems to be going pretty well..... like I said, we communicate very well, and we are so happy together. Some of the things are hard to hear, especially when it comes to her having doubts about me and about her feelings of remorse about her ex husband. She did the leaving, and I was the one who was left. The situations are somewhat similar in how the marriages fell apart.

We've been to look at engagement rings together, at her request. I know if we move forward I have a large purchase coming up soon. I also want to move in with her.... I spend about half the week or more at her house now (she owns and I rent my place) and I'm a little tired of feeling like I live between two houses. Also, when I spend the night with her..... I feel so comfortable and happy. We did an experiment about six months ago where I actually moved in with her for a week and brought everything with me, and I loved it. She's nervous about moving forward because, in her words, "What happens if you have to move out?" That makes me nervous because if I move in with her, I will be getting rid of a lot of stuff that I have that is pretty basic, but functional. She has nicer things, but not a lot of space, so bringing my stuff with me wouldn't be practical.

Truth be told, my biggest issue is her hesitancy. I think if it weren't for that, I'd be jumping for joy. I wonder how much of my anxiety has to do with my past relationship trauma..... or how much is actually a big red flag.

I know the timeline all seems short..... but it is her timeline, and I want to honor that. If it's not with me, I want her to go find someone to be the father of her children.... and the time for her to do that is now. But, I know if we split up, I will be heartbroken....

And a part of me thinks the only reason we'd be splitting up is because of the doubts anyone has in any relationship.... and that we should just move forward and take the risk.... we've both been through it before... and I know the statistics about 2nd marriages ending.

I also feel like this is it.... I know that I can have children at any age, but I don't want to be much older than I am right now and start a family. My father passed away at a young age and my mother became disabled around the same time. So, I just feel like longevity is not something that's generally on my side. But, I also really want that experience and I'm feeling it now more than ever.... I'm VERY good with kids (in fact, working with kids is a significant part of my career). I know the realities of what I'd be getting into.... I've had some fun crazy years since my divorce.... and I just don't think I want that any more.... but if not with her, then I guess I'll just be out there again.... just before her I was ready to be single indefinitely and she just suddenly dropped into my life out of nowhere.

Anyway.... any perspective anyone could offer would be highly appreciated. I'm doing my best this time to make the RIGHT decisions. I realize relationships are work and not something you just go into and sit on. I recognize how feelings change.... but we went to a wedding this past weekend and we both spent time with a lot of the younger kids.... playing with them, dancing..... and it really stirred something in me even more that made me realize I want to have a family. I know it's not easy.... one of the reasons I was OK with not having kids with my ex was because I saw some of the things my family went through, which were very hard. But, I think I can do better....

Thanks ahead of time for your perspectives.