“My mom has not been in my good graces sent she texted me several texts full of blame and things being all my fault, etc. while I was in the psych ER. And she emailed my husband and offered to take my daughter and raise her with my dad.”

Be prepared for what I am about to say. Consider looking at this post as my attempt to help you.

All I got to say is WOW, talking about being emotionally abusive. I would be very angry if that happened to me, and probably would not permit my mother to see me and possibly her grandchild for at least the time being. This would not be out of spite. I think you need to distance yourself from her. You know what to expect if you do not do this for yourself. You do not need anything like this to affect you emotionally, especially now. I would think you would not allow your daughter to be entangled in this situation with your mother. IMHO it is imperative that you deal with this in terms of what can benefit your mental health. I think you should be willing to do what it takes to make this happen.

I think you should never ever think of or permit anyone to raise your child for you. Talking about a hit to self-esteem. She has not been helping in this area, but contributing to it. She does not understand that it is in her grandchild’s best interest to support your efforts with regard to your child. I think you need to actively further limit your exposure to your mother, completely if necessary. I believe that this is critical for your emotional health. Later if you choose to do so, you can once again open the door to your relationship with your mother.

You are meeting your daughters needs by at the very least providing a roof over your daughters head, food to eat, clothes, and most importantly, she has the loving attention from both of her parents which includes you. You are essential to this. Many kids do not get that last one, which is healthy attention from their parents. At this point, anything more would be icing on the cake. No reason to feel guilty.

JMO FWIW I hope you find at least some value in this post to you.