Dearest ex-t,

I haven't been able to wipe this huge smile off my smug mug since I got the glorious news earlier today. I wonder if you received your notification yet and how you're holding up. No, no. I don't really care how you're holding up. You did this to yourself.

Enjoy the ride! You're in for a long one!

Signed, the former dear friend and client you grossly underestimated