Quote:
Originally Posted by rise13eyond
I'm not really sure why I phrased the title as a question...Anyway, so a new alter showed up recently...Actually she showed up a couple months ago for a short time, and at the time We....well mostly just me, was a bit jarred, and not wanting to deal with one more, so I kinda just hoped I was confused or something (I am a professional denier). But she showed up again last night. So I guess I can't keep denying her. But I'm still feeling a bit confused. It's hard getting used to a new one. I have so many questions. Why her? Why now? Along with just general questions about her. None of us can figure out her age for one. She said "everyone wanted a little girl, so that's what they'll get". I'm a bit baffled, although I think I might know what she means it still leaves me with the same questions. So are these feelings normal or am I just weird and don't know how to deal?
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Getting to know a "new" alter can be challenging for us too. Often our first awareness of a previous unknown alter is through flashbacks of their experiences affecting us. So sometimes that can be pretty traumatic. We do have a lot of denial in our system because the job of our daily life alters/apparently normal parts/front alters was to carry on as normal completely unaware of the abuse that was happening to us on a daily basis. Their "unawareness" enabled us to go to school and get somewhat on an education. I am part of this group of front alters and it is often very, very hard for us to accept that the memories flashbacks and experiences the other alters hold might be real. Our job is to live as though it doesn't/didn't happen. Taking on the new knowledge and experiences of the trauma parts is extremely traumatic for us, and yes, we struggle a lot with denial. It is so much easier for us front ones to pretend our family is normal and know nothing about the traumas they perpetrated against us. To give up denial is to give up the only family they have. It takes a real paradigm shift to adapt to the new awareness and memories that previously unknown alters bring with them. It is a slow process.
So I can tell you for me the extreme traumas that caused the young child we were to dissociate and develop dissociative identity disorder when we were very young are still denied by some of us. It still feels much easier and natural to deny them and maintain the dissociation that enables us to function somewhat "normally". Acceptance of their truths is painful, traumatic and debilitating at times. None of this is "normal" for us. Our "normal" is going through life not knowing, not seeing, not hearing, not feeling, not being. Becoming aware of the extent of the betrayals and traumas perpetrated against us is utterly devastating and harrowing. This is not "normal".
Our "normal" experience of getting to know the alters as they reveal themselves to us is something I wouldn't wish on anyone.
In spite of that we know this is what we have to do. If we want to have a life where we can love and be loved, where we can feel and experience without flashbacks and fear, we need to go through this paradigm shift and learn a new way to be. So when we "meet" a "new" alter we be curious, like you. We introduce ourselves. We ask questions, gently. We invite. We show our world. We help them to feel safe. We extend friendship to them. We develop a relationship, bit by bit.
It generally works.