@UpDownAround:

I think you are being too hard on yourself. IMHO I see you substantially cutting back in calories and exercising more to shed all of those calories. Would it be nice to get away from this? Would your weight change allot due to you eating these accumulated calories instead of rolling *all* of the extra calories that you have accumulated? This goes on and on. I think you may have many different foods there to snack on. This also would be too tempting to me.

I suggest that you make menus for all the meals that you can realistically eat. Use this as a master plan. Then every day you can select your meals for the day from that list. I think it would be a good idea to do this on the previous day. Some days you can limit your calories for a nice desert. Make another list of food that each menu requires and only purchase those foods. I understand that the purchase of groceries is probably for your entire family. However, you can still stick to this plan. This is what I had been doing. I do purchase snack size candy bars anyway. The real temptation to me is the apple pie that I have purchased to increase my calorie intake on those days I have come short. Ths is what Intell myself. The taste if the pie is really good. So instead of eating after dinner, I can find myself eating it first thing up in the morning.

I suggest you start with a clean slate. You owe this to yourself. You are getting paranoid which is not a good place to be, even if you think this is justified. I believe this may in itself increase your calorie intake. This reminds me of times where my spending was beginning to get out of control. I felt bad that I was doing this to myself. For some strange reason. I become compelled to spend more money. I realize that I should not do this, that I may end up in allot of debt. Yet again I become compelled to spend more money. I get satisfaction from the purchase of interesting things that I still may never use. I think this is a way of me taking my attention off of what is actually happening. Does this sound like this is what may be happening to you?

Anyway, I believe you can do this. You certainly have the discapline. For instance, training for a half marathon takes allot of discapline. I do not think I have this kind of discapline myself.