yup....completely get this and can relate. therapy with my psychodynamic T became all out the 'relationship' and it also became all consuming and quite drama filled with strong transference reactions on my end and some not so helpful countertransference issues on his end. felt like a complete mind f#ck even in the best of times. i had never experienced a relationship as all consuming and drama filled as the one with my ex-T. it wasn't until i was able to start regulating (calming) my emotional dysregulation with the help of neurofeedback therapy that the transference started to fade. the transference didn't completely go away, but it was manageable and i was able to start focusing on the the issues i originally came to therapy to address without always becoming triggered by the relationship with my T.

so the whole 'the relationship is part of therapy' is somewhat true...you need to have 'workable' relationship to develop the trust so you can hash out all your painful dark secrets and fears to an almost complete stranger, but the relationship should never become all consuming that it is all you can think about day in and day out. that's unhealthy and a recipe for disaster, especially from where the client sits in that 'relationship'.