OK to begin with I went from being just over 90 lbs to 185 lbs very fast. To be fair when I was at my lowest I wasn't eating enough.
And the biggest reason for my weight gain was psychiatric medications. 2 different ones but I can't remember the names on the labels.
Yeah that caused a problem with body image for me. I have a love hate relationship with food. I absolutely love to eat. I mean I love to bake so...But I also hate it. I hate that I eat and that my weight stays what is technically obese. I mean I have gone down to about 175.
I tried a sort of diets. I kept record of what I ate and only ate foods with sugar and fats on specific days (I called them my treat days). It did absolutely nothing. So I gave up on it.
I mean I did manage to somehow lose about 10 lbs but it wasn't til after I quite that diet.
Yet I still feel like I look like a whale. Like I eat too much. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror as much as possible, I wear ill fitting clothes so my curves aren't obvious.
My eating habits are....a bit all over the place. There have been days where I am constantly eating something, days that I eat very little, days that I just eat way too much all at once. Feeling horrible over your body isn't quite enough to get yourself to eat properly. Sometimes I'm an emotional eater, so many times when I was looking at myself thinking I weighed too much and needed to stop I just ate more because I didn't know what to do with myself.
No one else had caught onto my eating habits so I guess it isnt' bad enough to be called an eating disorder. Yet here I am hating my weight, my body, and feeling like there isn't anything I can do about it.