My observation on this board is that transference in the client and a lack of self disclosure by the therapist (or maybe it's not this exactly, because posts are not necessarily the same thing as people having these issues, as in some clients may not be thinking about/concerned about one or both of these things) seem to go together. It is also my impression that at least one person's postings about these issues have changed over time, as the transference has lessened, the T's self disclosure has increased.

I think the client's desire for self disclosure (or not) is a legitimate issue for therapy and the standard advice on this board to talk to the T about it is a good one. But I wonder if rather than non disclosure causing transference to be more problematic, if it is the other way around, that clients who have transference or who a T might judge to have transference issues or a core focus on the T or the relationship-- that the T chooses in this context to deliberately not disclose much.

Just as in other intimate relationships, my relationship with my T has grown over the years and his limited but frequent self disclosure has as well. While it may not be the case that a T would feel more open if the client were more open, to me this approximately friendships or romantic relationships. In general, if I share more of myself with a person, they share more with me. That's part of what makes my relationships strong.

So it occurs to me that a client could choose to focus on their side of the room and see how the relationship changes. Not saying there is anything wrong with having a discussion with the T about it, but sometimes just sitting on a longing and doing something more central to the the thing, like really bringing it from their side of the room and observing what happens on the other is useful.

Maybe I'm different than most people, but sometimes just sitting with a longing in therapy has been useful to me. I have a heightened sense of myself while I'm there and can observe whether the longing changes. Maybe it's a form of self-experimentation, but therapy has also been a place where I can test whether what I do influences what the T does.