I’ve posted about this before (multiple times, I think) so it’s obviously something I’m still trying to figure out. I’ve mentioned before that my T doesn’t disclose too much and this is related to my thoughts about that.

Towards the end of our session yesterday, after a bit of silence, my T asked what I was thinking. I said I noticed he had a pile of books stacked in the corner and said he should get a bookshelf for them. He replied that he doesn’t need to display his books for everyone to see. I sort of playfully but a bit sarcastically said, “no, then you’d be revealing something about yourself and you wouldn’t want that, would you?” He said he doesn’t want to influence me with his likes and dislikes etc, because he wants me to be able to say whatever I want. I said, “what if I went on and on about how I love cats and you hated cats but didn’t share that with me? That seems almost a little dishonest. I mean, while I was gushing about cats, you might be thinking about how you can’t stand cats and it seems honest for you to share that in some way.” He said that he could appreciate my love of cats even if he doesnt like them, basically implying that there would be no reason to tell me about his dislike of cats.

I’m just a little confused by this interaction because it’s one that would really only happen in therapy, and not in the real world. In the real world, I assume a friend would have no problem chiming in about their dislike of cats and I wouldn’t be offended by that. I understand that we’re all different. But in therapy, his goal, I guess, is to keep me from knowing his likes and dislikes so that I’m not affected by them. I just think that creates distance and I somehow feel a teensy bit offended that he thinks I wouldn’t be able to express a viewpoint about something different than his. I just think I would benefit from him revealing a little bit more about himself. It might even allow me to be more open and vulnerable because the relationship would feel less lopsided. He says I can always ask, but I wish he’d offer it up freely. It feels like I have to beg and that’s no fun. I know he’s not going to change, and I do like him. I’m just trying to make sense of this.