Sometimes when I post here, it helps to just get my thoughts out, and I can see the dilemmas more clearly. So here goes:

My T has left town for an extended period to help a family member with a medical problem. She offered a phone time for us, and I did that for a week or two. It was minimally effective. The part I liked about it was that I didn't have to get my lazy butt out of the office to go to her space - it felt hassle free. But it also felt kind of cold. There wasn't the eye contact and warmth of her space and presence. In real life, I like her quite a bit and she helps me see the big picture and laugh.

Then, after a few weeks, she offered me "online" e-consultation, since her family member is now too ill and she is needed pretty much round-the-clock. I sent one email and she replied, and I got very little out of it....I feel she probably billed my insurance for a regular session. I realize that this is between her and the insurance, but it seemed "off." I don't think jotting down your thoughts in an email is really the same as an in-person session. I think she is trying to retain her practice and clients, and while I "get that" I don't think I'm really being well served here.

Now a few more weeks have elapsed, and I feel less and less invested in continuing..at all. My life rolls onward and my issues continue -- but I'm grappling with them and things aren't wildly great, but they certainly aren't hugely distressing either.

I think I'm going to reply to her last email and say that I'm not finding e-therapy very useful, and wait and see what her own schedule is in terms of returning to the city.

I wish that her interruption of service hadn't highlighted the fact that this therapy seems to have run its course. And I don't know how I'm going to actually say that -- or whether distance learning just isn't for me.

I realize this isn't a question, rant, or a scenario that makes a lot of sense, but I find this whole situation really confounding.

Ugh.

MCL