Hey, heyjoe. Thank you for your concern and caring advice. You said, "From what i have read and gather there arent too many happy stories in the sex industry." I'd say that's true. I know it, but I keep wanting it, anyway. I guess I don't expect the happiest ending. My life hasn't been terrible, but I don't feel happy, fulfilled, etc. either. I don't know if I ever have felt that way for long at all. I am not saying I will live a hellish existence and die a terrible death- though anything is possible- but I am saying that I don't expect true happiness and fulfillment in my life, sex industry or not. Of course, that's no reason for me to try to make my life even worse by going into the industry.

"Its an impossible standard for most of us to live up to." <- That's true. I swear sometimes, I think that I don't know what "normal" breasts look like. I saw a movie made in the 80's or something (I know it was a bit of an older movie), and one of the women in it was naked and dancing and these guys were really into her. I noticed her breasts sagged as much as mine and were about the same size, as well. It made me feel a bit better. I think maybe that was considered sexy before plastic surgery came along and warped everyone's perceptions. Today, she'd never be an on-screen sex symbol.

As you pointed out, I know plastic surgery is dangerous, and part of me thinks it is insane to risk such things for a smoother face or perkier breasts, but I am just so dissatisfied with my breasts. I don't think I'll ever like them for long at a time in their natural state. I can handle the size, but they sag, and that is what I just can't deal with. I can look at other women whose breasts sag and think they are just fine- even beautiful- but I don't feel that way about myself. I wish I could love my body as is, but I don't think I can. I hate the idea of adding to this culture that says women have to have surgery to be attractive, and I don't want to take part in that and make other women feel bad about their bodies, but I am so unhappy with mine, that I still feel driven to surgery- particularly breast augmentation. I am considering implants instead of a lift, because they can be put in through navels or underarms and help avoid breast scars. With a lift, scars are hard to avoid. Also, while I'm okay with my current size, if I do get a breast lift, my breasts will likely be smaller. Breast lifts sometimes make the breasts smaller, and if I got implants, too, that would make sure I didn't lose size. I think small breasts are fine, but I am used to having larger ones, and I want to keep them. So that is why I'm interested in the implants- that, and I want to avoid scarring so if I can just do implants without a lift and still get the "lifted" effect, that would be optimal for me.

"Keep working on this with your therapist and dont rush into anything." <- My problem is, even when I think about something forever, I usually end up doing it all of a sudden on the spur of a moment, after years of contemplation, but before I've came to any sort of good, solid decision. Hopefully, I won't do that in this case. I have told my therapist about the plastic surgery desire and he's trying to tell me I don't need it, but he has to say that. He's supposed to make me feel good about myself. Besides, he has no idea what I look like naked.