Hey junerain. Thanks for the reply.

"People that have plastic surgery often strongly feel the perfect outer self will crate the perfect inner self...only to find, it doesn't.......there may be a few people that compliment you at first, but the outer attention wades away and you are left with the same INNER self, and fixing an inner self is a bit harder......." <- I'll agree with that. I think that, consciously at least, I know I won't be a different person. Part of my life I have felt like a monster, someone evil or connected to some evil, someone defective, etc. Even now, I think I am defective, and not a very good person. I also think that I am terribly inadequate or mediocre at best, in many areas. I know plastic surgery will only change the outside- though it MIGHT POSSIBLY make me feel a little more confident about my physical appearance. I'll admit, subconsciously, maybe there is some part of me that thinks I will be happier, but another part of me realizes that it will only make me a little happier for a little while, and after that, I will feel as empty as ever- maybe emptier.

"have you ever checked out the site www.forthelittleonesinside.com" <- Never heard of it before, but thanks for the link- I'll check it out.

"what kind of support system do you have, IRL? Once you have close, close friends you can get your inner needs met that way....."<- Well, I have my mother's family, and they support me in many ways, such as financially, but I can't talk to them about a lot. I also have some pets that I love and a few close friends. I have a couple really close friends, but I still feel empty in a way and depressed, unfulfilled, etc. I love them, but I have needs they can't fill and hurts they can't mend.

"I do find the sex industry very sexy sometimes and have desires not be in it, bit to get more sex than I get....even though I get a lot...." <- I used to want it partially for that, but lately, I don't desire sex with random people, anymore. It would remind me of people I really care about and couldn't keep.

"but I find myself craving something deeper sometimes........" <- I know that feeling. What do you think you're missing?