"I understand the wanting plastic surgery. but why the sex industry? just curious as to why one would want to do that. I understand the money is not that great either but I am just curious." <- Well, some people do it for the sex. In the past, that might have been part of what drew me to it. I remember, I used to think the idea of stripping was sexy. Also, as for porn, there are things I could do in porn that I might never get a chance to do in regular life, but I won't get into details, because it might disturb someone. However, that isn't much of the issue with me, anymore, since I don't want to have sex with random people very much, anymore.

I think I partly am drawn to the art because I think pole dancing can be very artistic, graceful, and show great talent and strength if one does it well, which I could prob. never do. I also love dancing and music, even if I suck at dancing. I have also seen nude, somewhat erotic photos that to me, are truly beautiful art. I want to be a part of art.

Also, as I said in the post, it is partly because I don't think I'll succeed at anything, anyway, so I figure I might as well given in and make money off my body. At least this way I could achieve one thing I've sometimes thought about going for. Plus, it would bring money to the table.

Maybe I realize it would make life harder and that actually makes me want to do it because I want to hurt myself or just give up.

Then, as I said, it would be icing on the cake that it would bother my father.

Plus, as my therapist says, it would put me in the position of someone who was wanted. I don't feel very wanted. I want to be loved, but I can never be loved permanently by the people I care about romantically, and sometimes not even the ones I care about as friends or family. This way, at least I'm wanted. But, I'm afraid to get very close to people and this way, I won't have to get too emotionally close. Also, I will have some control as a stripper, as the one who is wanted, the one who is getting paid, etc.

Also, as for money, sometimes the money is crap and the work IS HARD. If you think about it, dancing for hours in platforms or high heels, and lifting yourself on a pole, etc., in a crowded, likely hot, club, is going to be hard work. Plus, they put up with a lot of crap from rude customers. Also, even if you enjoy sex, porn is hard on a person physically, I'm guessing. And even modeling isn't always that easy. Sometimes, they don't make much- Especially new comers. However, if you make it big or work in the right area (as a stripper) or with the right company (As a stripper, nude model, or porn star) and if you are willing to do certain things (in porn) you can make good money SOMETIMES. For instance, some strippers have banked $1,000 in a night, which is good cash. However, I think that is pretty prestigious cash. I've heard of people making about $50 or so their first night, too, which is significantly less than $1,000. That would be about minimum wage, and they prob. wouldn't be working 5 days a week, either, so if you didn't make more than $50 a day and worked less than 5 days that week, you'd make less than minimum wage at a full time job.

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure why I want to do it.