I'm sorry you're hurting. My ex-T left me too without warning. I don't even know what I did. Maybe it's better that way? Except I worry about doing something wrong with current T. Least you know now what not to do. But I understand it's painful. You don't deserve to suffer. You made a mistake, that's all. You will get through this. It took me a while, but ex-T no longer impacts my life. I thankfully found a T right away, and she's been a godsend. Without her, I probably wouldn't have survived. Please try to get all the support you can get right now. You need it. Family, friends, professionals, a new T, a group, crisis line, PC, etc. You can go get your hair done (many people change their hair after something traumatic and it makes you feel a little bit better about yourself) and talk to the hairdresser. You can talk to grocery clerks, mailmans, etc. Don't be ashamed. We've all made mistakes in a relationship. But it's okay. You can do this!