Why do I title it that way? Because my mind can't decide how it wants to feel. I'm the type of person that is always looking for the positive spin...on everything! But, sometimes, I'm just blah and I can't shake it. Sometimes, it turns into, I wish I were no longer among the living. Then, I think of my children and it turns into a guilt trip. I am stubborn and want to see them grow up, so matter how miserable I am, it's more important to be alive. I wonder if that'll ever change, the guilt trip. I hope not because I do want to see them grow up. They are beautiful and awesome and the light of my life.

Don't get me wrong. I have days upon days where I'm super productive, but, I really am productive! I get a lot done at work, and I sleep very little, more like taking a nap really. Right now, I slept in shifts last night, but woke up with a major headache (I get those a lot). It messed me up this morning. I'm at work and can not focus on work. So,, here I am in this forum talking about my problems, because I don't see my therapist for 2 more weeks. I told him at my last visit that I was not feeling myself, that I felt very depressed and anxious and I couldn't wrap my head around it. I have days where it takes so much energy to do anything, but, I'm stubborn, and I get as much done as I can, but I go to bed really early and sleep for like 10 or more hours. My hubby says it's me catching up on my sleep. I don't know. Sometimes all I want to do is sleep.
I've taken bipolar quizzes, they always say bipolar is likely. I also have ADHD. and anxiety. I'm a mess, but I'm wrapped up like someone who has it all together. Except I am falling apart.