I think about T way too much. When I wake up in the middle of the night, I think of him. When I’m busy doing something at work that requires my full attention, he pops into my head. I think I’ve mentioned on multiple other posts that I see myself as independent so it’s unnerving to me to realize that I have fallen into this weird dynamic with my T where he’s on my mind all the time. Sometimes it’s just a fleeting thought, but much of the time what I feel is a feeling of hurt. Just to be clear, he has done absolutely nothing hurtful. In fact, if I’ve even hinted at feeling dismissed or blown off (mostly due to email responses) he apologizes sincerely. He has been empathetic and kind and gives me his full attention. But all I can feel when I think about him is hurt. I’m not sure why that is, but I’m bothered by the fact that he has woven himself into my mind and has so much power over my emotions. Sometimes I want to run away, but I can’t. I keep thinking this is what it must feel like to be in a cult. I clearly don’t have this influence on him, and that bothers me too.

I know this is probably a huge topic and probably many of our T’s have a central role in our lives. I just didn’t expect it and it feels strange and uncomfortable. Have any of you talked to your T’s about this? Is there a way for this to feel less hurtful? Is it worth it?