I completely relate, even down the independent part and hating how this all feels. I've told my T many times I don't like depending on anyone and he understands due to my past of wishy washy people who I could never count on.... any time I feel like I'm starting to get dependent at all on him, I pull away and usually get massive anxiety. I'm going through that right now actually

I can say that I found myself, for most of the summer in a somewhat lesser stage of this. I thought of him daily but not as constant as I did before. I felt more secure with us and I was able to do more things without him in my mind but now it has returned, hopefully only briefly.

I like your comparison to a cult. Likely true. I also agree that knowing he isn't like this for me at all, I mean, I'd be lucky if ONE thought outside of session during his week was about me, really bugs me. It makes me feel crazy and worthless and I hate it. I think in many ways therapy has made me worse off mentally. However, I am too close to him and he means to much that I'm stuck. I refuse to leave him.

The only things that somewhat helped me was making my own boundaries. He will tell me I can contact him whenever but also that he wont reply. Well I'm not dealing with that nonsense so I distanced myself. I also made a coping skills list that I try to use when I can because I wont bother him. Most of it keeps me distracted enough to help a bit but then something will happen to make me think of him again

I have talked to him. I regret that convo deeply. Not sure it's anything you can really stop. I also don't think it's worth it but I've also no choice if I want him in my life. So I deal with it.

I hope you are able to find a way to lessen this, it's no fun and I get it. It is common but it doesn't make it one bit easier.