I have only had 2 therapists. The first was just as you described: sat there, listened, offered little to nothing in the way of feedback. I went to her for 5 years or so, and it was pretty ineffective. I thought it must be my fault, which is why I kept going. I thought if I could only try harder then it would surely work.

The second therapist was a psychiatry resident who needed to do psychotherapy with a patient as part of his training. It was the most transformative year of my life. I’ve thought about this a lot, but I still don’t really know why it was so effective. What I can say is that he was engaged with me in a way the other therapist wasn’t. I felt like he actually cared about me — not just for that hour, but in a general life/human sense. He never gave any advice, but somehow I always ended up at the right answer myself. It was one of the most fortunate experiences I’ve had. Yet I still can’t explain why.

Proper therapy is powerful and transformative. Bad therapy is a waste of money and time.