I'm more just stumbling about in reality, both physically and mentally. Sometimes I knew that the second after I do this, things might go bad but it's like I'm like whatevz, I never understood why I'm not stopping. I wish I could understand why, on some kind of neurological level that could make some sort of pattern of behavior. Other times, I am plain clueless, those are the most times. Where I don't make choices knowing things might get bad, it's like sometimes cause and effect aren't really connected or I lack info about the situation.

When I go on walks my favorite thing seems to be getting lost. I have even gotten lost inside a small mall. And inside a tiny store. OK, the store I still could exit quite quickly but I walked in many dead ends first just staring at shelves not knowing at all where I was. It is hard not to look stupid in situations like those.

Strangest thing is getting lost in the woods at night freezing temps without a cell phone scores about the same on the stupidity scale for me as getting lost in a small store. It's like I'm just watching myself with some kind of mild amusement. Even if one of those situations could have gotten me killed.

My really bad choices are things I need to do and never come around doing.