Wait, is that what you thought I meant this entire time, or just what you thought I was telling you today? I mean, I can see how you might think that, and, don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you would be understanding and non-judgmental and willing to discuss it if that were the case.
In retrospect the part about how I was worried you'd be so disgusted you wouldn't even be able to look at me let alone continue to work with me certainly lends itself to that interpretation. Oh, yeah, and I referred to it as being "not appropriate." But, no, I really do feel that ashamed and guilty and pathetic and dirty and wrong for wanting the parental kind of care and compassion (though I avoided using the word "dirty" because I thought this was how you might interpret it). I forget that that's not normal.