Quote:
Originally Posted by LabRat27
Wait, is that what you thought I meant this entire time, or just what you thought I was telling you today? I mean, I can see how you might think that, and, don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you would be understanding and non-judgmental and willing to discuss it if that were the case.
In retrospect the part about how I was worried you'd be so disgusted you wouldn't even be able to look at me let alone continue to work with me certainly lends itself to that interpretation. Oh, yeah, and I referred to it as being "not appropriate." But, no, I really do feel that ashamed and guilty and pathetic and dirty and wrong for wanting the parental kind of care and compassion (though I avoided using the word "dirty" because I thought this was how you might interpret it). I forget that that's not normal.
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I can't stop thinking about this.
If I told you specifics that weren't in my letter, like that part of me wants you to hold me in your arms like a little kid and tell me that everything will be okay and that it's not all my fault and that I don't deserve to hurt myself (and that you care and that it upsets you when I do), would you really still be able to look at me after that? Would you really not find it shameful and disgusting and pathetic? Even if you still acted professionally, at least part of you would have to be horrified and disgusted, right?