I’m not sure what I’m looking for in this post, other than hope.
I find myself missing her as if I missed an ex-lover, which I’m pretty ashamed to admit. I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend and talking with therapists are really the only source of emotional intimacy I’ve experienced. I’m ashamed to admit that too. I know my life would feel so much better, so much LESS controlled by therapists if I managed to open up to others. The thing is, I have opened up, but I just don’t have that same vulnerable dependence on others in my life. I just miss her. I miss the way she and I would connect. I have never felt that before until her and I’m afraid I’ll never feel it again.