I feel I am maladaptively daydreaming way to much about him. Instead of getting work done or focusing on studying, I am daydreaming about different types of scenarios with him.

It is all consuming and I just do not understand anymore. I worry about how and when he terminates me. I read to many stories of therapist referring their clients out because they could not deal with the transference or felt the transference was hindering therapy. I will not discuss this with him. He has got to know to some degree that I am attached to him.

I think I am so broken from childhood that this will never go away.

I also try to think are the problems I went to him for abated? I went because I was so bulimic, self harming and continuously wanting to die and always thinking about sui***. In 4 months I have only thrown up twice so that is in recovery, I have not self harmed and I do not get triggered on a continuous basis. I see the reason for the form of recovery because I can vent to him during the week and I see him twice a week. Now if he just terminates me would all that just come flooding back in? That scares me.