Quote:
Originally Posted by justbreathe1994
I’m not sure what I’m looking for in this post, other than hope.
I find myself missing her as if I missed an ex-lover, which I’m pretty ashamed to admit. I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend and talking with therapists are really the only source of emotional intimacy I’ve experienced. I’m ashamed to admit that too. I know my life would feel so much better, so much LESS controlled by therapists if I managed to open up to others. The thing is, I have opened up, but I just don’t have that same vulnerable dependence on others in my life. I just miss her. I miss the way she and I would connect. I have never felt that before until her and I’m afraid I’ll never feel it again.
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I understand what you mean about missing her like an ex-lover. My T has said multiple times that my termination with ex-MC keeps reminding him of a romantic breakup, the way that I'm reacting to it. And I see some truth in there. I mean, I did love him (can't say for sure if I still do). And there's a huge amount of emotional intimacy in a therapeutic relationship. There are things I've told ex-T, ex-MC (on phone or via email), and current T that I've never told even my H.
I've had some difficulty trusting current T because of what happened with ex-MC. But I have let myself become vulnerable with and trust him, though still not nearly at the level that I trusted ex-MC. I think working through this with another T could help you.