I will be trying SSI, but it is a lot of work. They have an online application they encourage you to submit which requires a lot of work, and we did have SSDI through my husband once when he was on unemployment 6 months and then no income except a few checks from his parents (which we did report) while he was studying to get certification as a teacher. I don't know what it is like in other states, but the unemployment agency int TX waives teacher certification for certain approved teacher certification programs if you plan to teach STEM (also some other subjects like ESL, maybe special-ed, I don't remember them, just that STEM subjects are what they approach most unemployed people in my husband's situation with, since he worked in the science field and could teach science in school). In Texas, you can get work as a 1st year STEM teacher with pay before you completely finish your certification classes (you still have to be working on the certification course either in person or through computer courses throughout the school year teaching and with observation by your instructors during 1st year teaching, and you have to pass though I believe you have to pass your subject certification test in a given subject before teaching it , in my husband's case, he certified for composite science for grades 6-12, meaning he could teach any science course in grades 6-12 (later he also paid for- the certification test itself is not free - & passed the certifications to teach grades 6-12 math and 6-12 computer science), and districts often lack physics teachers because it tends to be not among the course of choice for composite science teachers, and if an opening comes up in a subject such as biology, they will ask the assistant principal in charge of science or the school principal (should they have good relationships with them) to move to subjects they'd rather prefer to teach. Sometimes, the assistant principals and principals agree because they know many 1st year teachers do use the free STEM program or a program offered in my husband's district where you get paid for teaching , at first completely, and then the first few months then after the first couple months, your paycheck lowers as they take money out for the cost of tuition, but it is still not as expensive as getting certification through college, and schools in my husband's district know there are many composite science teachers in that program they can hire for physics because the students definitely want to find a job. I believe my husband's district offers the program because many of its schools are composed mainly of high at-risk students; perhaps they get some state funding for it, I don't know. I think it may be only with the STEM, ESL, special ed, where the state unemployment agency lets the teacher waive the tuition costs completely (and only through certain colleges, not the previous one I was talking about), but I really don't know 100% how it works except that you can get your first required 1 year of teaching not by being an unpaid teacher's assistant (as students at the university level tend to do with their 4th year of college) and get paid. I know one of my brothers-in-law did it that way (he may even have to pay the university for being an unpaid teaching assistant) and then became a paid band assistant and eventually top band director of his school While basically employed with no pay, he did teach private lessons on the side (naturally, he is able to play many instruments & tutor in them), and he & my sister (while engaged) were combining incomes his first unpaid teaching year. It is less stressful I think to do it that way if you can afford it, and your parents can also help with costs of living (his parents were in that position) and helps you learn the ropes instead of jumping right in. But when my husband started the STEM thing, it was already too late to get hired to teach at most schools since it was January, and most of the teachers had signed their contract to teach at the school for 1 year and didn't break them unless in events of emergencies, pregnancies, moving (say your spouse got a job in another state or you move to be closer to family; I don't think you have to give a reason for moving too far to commute, but it lets you break a teaching contract with not repercussions. That didn't leave for man teacher hires at the time. So he had to get unemployment to put us to poverty level, and I did get the unemployment much easier. And the crazy thing was after we got the unemployment getting off most of it was easy, but it took a couple years to get off Medicaid even though we had private insurance (and yes, we used his bad s bad insurance through the school district and not Medicaid to pay medical expenses) even with repeated phone calls and form submissions about updates to our about our case to the state.

I do plan to make an appointment with the SSA office; I was just doing the online/phone things first (places where you could possibly make make appts. with less wait time on the phone to give you aid but after answering a lot of questions, found out your wouldn't qualify for aid, things like that critical care insurance of my husband's that ended up not being useful for our situation. I've been taking slow steps with it with trying to get disability. The psych ER visit did get me a referral for a mobile medical unit composed of a psychiatris & psychologist to come out, though I have no idea when and neither did anyone at the psych ER. I do feel that could be a help, and I feel my particular CPS caseworker is not out to get me and may even be able to offer me free or low cost programs in the area I didn't know about of that you need a referral to get (such as with this mobile psych unit that comes to your house). Obviously, she didn't feel my daughter was at imminent risk, or she would have removed her of me from the home and if she decided my husband ignored abuse, then send my daughter to live with relatives (such as my sisters), perhaps my husband's sister, but I doubt that, she lives out of state in California.

Over the summer, my husband was often busy with things to reduce our costs - getting rid of lawn service (but it then meant he needed to buy lawn care tools and take care of the lawn, which for some reason is easy to care for in the back yard but hard to mow in the front yard (he doesn't think I'd be strong enough to do the front, and that is the yard the HOA sees), researching & changing electric providers (our old contract was up), trying to get lower prices for our internet and basic cable TV; it was just a weird bundle that it cost less to throw in the TV than just to get plain internet), so then researching and changing internet and TV service (which the new company also again had a much lower rate the first year if you bundled either with basic cable or cell phone and my husband chose the cable route because he'd also found a cheaper cell phone service and just switched to that. Our old internet/TV contract had also just ended, so we could switch without breaking contract fees. Getting the basic cable is nice as we can DVR shows/movies, not just for ourselves but for our daughter. Of course, we can check out movies from the library, though our branch is small, so often you have to join a wait queue to request a movie or book (occasionaly you find something on the in the library, but it will be too young or too old - R rated - for my daughter to watch) and, you have no idea when it will be your turn in the queue until the library sends you an email that your turn has come up and is being held for you.

I don't blame most people for every bad thing going on in my life though I do blame an uncle who sexually assaulted me at aged 4 or 5 as a trigger for MI and an aunt who didn't report it though she was outside hanging laundry at the time and I believe she knew about it, saying, well, he had a gun, she was frightedned (but he did leave daily for work) and then later claimed near complete amnesia of her entire 1st marriage (I guess it could happen but the timing seems suspicious and not reporting the event at the time, even if she was still young - in her early 20s, using that as an excuse too - is still no excuse, in my opinion.) I was probably 5 or close to it because it happened with my middle sister there, and she remembers parts of weird things going on while she was outside hanging laundry with my aunt and then came inside when I was shouting, so for her to remember (16 months between our ages), she was likely 3 years old, maybe 4, it depended on whether she'd had her birthday yet that year.) I didn't have the words to tell my mother what had happened afterwards; she had not told us about inappropriate touching and such at that age. I do remember my aunt washed my underwear (my sister remembers it too), and my mom remembers my aunt telling her she'd washed my underwear, that I'd had an accident and was wearing spare underwear she'd sent along for my sister, probably which was too small for me, but I don't remember entirely, and often we did fit into the same clothes sizes depending, especially shirts & dresses, maybe underwear with it having an elastic waistband. I remember being ashamed about it, and my mom did say she thought it a bit strange that I had had an accident as it had not happened in ages, but that was the first time my sister & I were babysat by that aunt with her husband present, and she thought it could have been nerves since I was anxious even as a child. My mother also says we both strongly insisted again and again we never wanted to go back there or be babysat by that aunt again (my mom's oldest sister, since this was after her 2 oldest siblings drowned swimming in a river current). We had no problem being looked after by my youngest aunt & her 1st husband (though I take it he was a womanizer & drank too much, but all the women where past the age of consent) according to my aunt's account, and it certainly was plausible. He was good around us, did things like tricks walking on his hands, and I remember he let me help my descale a large fish he caught (for some reason though I didn't like to fish (my grandfather fished a lot), I liked watching the descaling process. I have no idea why. I hated watching the process of killing and preparing chickens to eat and just never watched after the first time. He even came to my graduation and gave me a gift without being all creepy & weird about it, the way the other uncle (the one who abused me) did. It was a small town. The graduation was held in the football field, not inside the gym with limited seating because it was not raining, though it was obviously done at night because of the daytime heat and also to make it easier for parents who could not easily take off from work to attend. But the outside graduation was open to everyone in the town, from any town really as there was plenty of seating. And of course, the town had a little weekly newspaper, and since very little news occurred in my high school, I got a big write-up because of being the valedictorian (so did the salutatorian, who was a friend but my biggest competition to get valedictorian). In fact, I believe each graduating senior student also got a write up in the section of the newspaper the journal class put out. It probably went in the town's main paper for lack of much interesting news other than car accidents or someone finding an alligator in the garage or on their property and needing to call animal control. Other articles would be writeups of city council meetings, even PTA meetings, and the school lunch menu. Maybe the library got a page too; I don't remember. Just that little news happened there. It was big news even if someone got caught smoking pot, and that would go into the police writeup section along with people getting charged & found guilty of DUIs and DWIs. I think my grandparents read it mostly for the obituaries (which every person who officially had an address in that town got put into the paper for free upon death, unless the family or the person - while alive - declined the offer).

My mom was the middle sister, and the typical stereotype of the middle sister trying to be the peacemaker. So in that instance, yes, I do blame the uncle (my aunt divorced him but I don't remember how long it was after that happened) and I do blame my aunt. When you are young and have no words to tell about what happened and feel shame and guilt about it (which even grown women experience when sexually assaulted as I had the same feelings when I had a sexual assault incident occur at a massage parlor while in my 30's), you just don't want to talk about it, and you feel such shame & guilt. It's hard to talk about it right after it happens or even later (both childhood & adult abuse). And as time passed and with me being so young, I had doubts this story could have happened until as an adult near 30, I spoke with both my mom & my sister about the memories I had. My memories combined with theirs did convince me the incident actually happened & no therapist was putting it into my head, but he was dying at the time anyway, so pursuing a court case felt pointless and it was all circumstantial evidence from years ago (plus I was soon pregnant with my daughter) and with my aunt supposedly losing nearly her entire memory of her marriage, it really seemed pointless to pursue. (I did pursue the massage parlor event but it turned into a his word against my word; he didn't have a psych record, so the assistant district attorney never took it to a grand jury to pursue as he didn't feel it was worth it, and the main district attorney was dying at the time (I only found that out later in retrospect), and I had been too overdone with that that I did not have the wherewithal to pursue it, and the statute of limitations disappeared on that case after 2 years I think. The statute never expires on child molestation cases (not on murder either, probably not on various other crimes, but I'm not a lawyer or law expert).

Anyway, I did just go to the local place for a paper SSA application, but had difficulties finding all the documents they needed as our bills were in a mess for 6, 7, maybe 8 years. But we could get SSA because my husband's unemployment was not much and also because he was going to school at the time for the teacher certification (which while tuition was waived things like textbooks were not). It was easier because less paperwork was needed, and it was stuff I could find - driver's licenses, birth certificates, social security cards, evidence of my husband's schooling. That was another thing my husband did this past summer; organized the bills & paperwork (a huge job, taking weeks), throwing out old files we no longer needed (taking them to be shredded first, of course). By this summer, it had accumulated to more of a mess dating back 10 years because he started teaching 3 years ago and hadn't gotten it under control yet. So now I can find the relevant paperwork much more easily, the latest utility bills, medical bills, copies of tax forms, and while working on it, he also scanned many of the files into his computer, also making them easier to find. I do plan to approach SSA in person (this time with an appointment; the first time I did not have an appointment and didn't realize it would be best prudent to get an appointment first, sat around hours for my turn, and then found out I had been in the SSDI queue the entire time. I hadn't even realized there was a difference between SSDI and SSA at the time; I hadn't really studied much about it. But I was given a paper copy to mail in, and for me, that was also easier than computer submission because the state's site can act weird on certain browsers (completely freeze the computer, happened both on my computer & my husband's, using different web browsers), or it wouldn't retain tedious info to look up to answer like checking account numbers or my husband's address & telephone work number, which I don't have memorized. So I think paper might be a better choice for me.