It may well be.

For sure I’d say that not trusting anyone until now, just relying on yourself, this is a defence mechanism, this is you trying to protect yourself from what you are afraid would be vulnerability. Because if you trust someone, you are literally handing them the power to potentially hurt you.

And these small problems, making you sad and fearful, they aren’t really what’s is scaring you. Why would you be terrified of small problems? So what is causing you the fear?

It may well be the potential that these small problems hold. Because like you say, you’ve been hurt by so many people, you feel like you can’t take another hurt.

So what may well be causing you this fear and major anxiety could be the mental processes that go on inside you.

1- History teaches you that you will be hurt.

2- You are now in a vulnerable state, having invested emotionally in someone.

3- You experience a problem, small or large.

4- You’re mind tells you, from past experience, that there is potential for hurt here, and hurt that you could not deal with coming from the person that you care about. (Welcome to the racing heart, sweaty palms, and terrifying cloud of panic.)

5- Now your mind tells you that this problem will escalate, it will turn into a huge issue and end your relationship.

6- Suicidal thoughts and intense fear.

Correct me if I’m wrong, does this sound accurate?
(Do say if I’m completely off the ball here, I won’t take it personally.)

FF