Hi Moonkin,

I think sometimes when there have been repeated hard things in our lives, we get used to that pattern. You mentioned seeing a number of counselors, and either it didn't go well, or they quit. Sometimes we get accustomed to that sort of pattern, however painful it is, and that is what we come to expect the next time in a similar situation - even if the situation is going well. We think the same thing will happen again. It can take bravery to believe a new, better thing is actually possible, that this T truly *is* different, and *is* going to keep working with you. It can take some inside work on your part to let yourself think those more hopeful ideas, and trust in the relationship. Hopefully you are also talking with your T about your fears and concerns. That can help a lot, as well.

I think with me, there were times I worried about things like this when there were other more difficult things going on, and this was an unfortunate distraction from the real work which needed to be done. In other words, even though the T being absent or quitting was hard and scary to think about, it was easier to focus on something like this than the harder things which I needed to work on in therapy. I don't know if that is a factor in your case, but I think sometimes that happens with people. When I found myself doing this, I would try to remind myself that my T would be there next time, he'd always been very consistent in the past, and get busy doing something else - go for a walk, do some crafts, get in touch with friends, clean my apartment, write in my journal - do something productive and try not to dwell on it if possible.

Take care, and I hope things start going better for you.

Take care,
ErinBear