Quote:
Originally Posted by Aviza
I missed court the day custody was decided thus forfeiting custody. I didn't know it worked that way. I'm dieting to lose over 100 lbs i don't want my daughter suffering the same fate, but it's too late she's gotten fat. Was a little overweight but now much more. I told her she's pretty without makeup but it enhances eyes. I've asked her why she's not interested in wearing it. She doesn't want to attract attention to herself she says. But she is by making herself unattractive. She's attracting negative attention.
She's out of control with her weight her hair her overall appearance. I've asked if she has clothes that fit because she wears sweat pants and sweatshirts. That is so awful. His side doesn't dress well at all and she's become lazy like her dad. Whose thin and lazy.
I'm so frustrated. They said not to let him get custody and I failed he got custody. She's a mess. I'm trying to clean her up.
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Im taking a guess here but since you lost custody that means you dont get much of a part in any major decisions. Im wondering if maybe you focusing on her hair and her weight is you trying to make decisions about her and her life.
let me show you something by explaining about a relatives teen ager. she lost custody which meant she could not make any major decisions of where the child lived, what school she attended, doctors she got to see all those parenting choices. now it was up to the dad to make the decisions based on what he felt was best for the child.
this relative thought by focusing on the childs clothes, hair style and weight was going to cause problems for the dad, show the dad that she could parent...well what actually happened was the girl attempted suicide, why because the mom was so against the childs hair clothes and weight that the girl took it as a personal attack against the child. she felt since she couldnt be herself she might as well be dead.
the girl ended up in a foster home and hospital as she healed and while a court battle ensued as to whether the mom should be prosecuted for parental interference and endangering the welfare of a minor through fat shaming, and emotional abuse.
the court returned the daughter to the father and the mother lost all visitation rights, the step mom adopted the child and they all moved out of state, not letting the mother know where the child is.
this mother will now never get to see her daughter, not even tell the daughter she is sorry for emotionally abusing her. this relative now has to live with the fact that somewhere out there she has a teen age daughter that may or may not decide to contact her once the child turns 18. she has to live with the fact that her fat shaming and emotionally abuser her over hair and clothes choices drove this teen to choosing suicide over her mother.
my point... I know you are upset that this girl wont let her hair grow long, that she weighs more than..........you.............want her to weight. but right now you have visitation with her. maybe its time to just put aside the fact that your daughter doesnt want long dead protein cells hanging on her neck (thats what hair is. ) and maybe its time to either contact the dad and the two of you set up a meeting with the childs doctor who can tell you whether this girl is supposed to be on a special diet or not. and then follow what ever the doctor says to do.
the other alternatives are keep pushing and the child take things in her own hands through suicide or the courts decide its best for her to not have contact until she turns 18 and makes her own decision.
I can tell you from having many nieces and nephews its normal for teens to decide to have long or short hair or even color it strange colors. and its normal for teens to gain weight children gain weight then sprout up and their weight stabilizes. its how human body takes care of those many growing phases children and teens have.
if this was my daughter, instead of trying to force the girl to change I would give her a hug and say wow you changed your hair, does it give you more freedom while playing sports or what ever other activities the child is doing. eventually the discussion moves off the hair and onto more important things like how they are feeling, how they are doing in school, who their friends are, what does she do with her friends...