Quote:
Originally Posted by Tucson
@BlueBerryBook: I think you are giving good, well thought out advice. I agree with you. However, I do think if it has become this serious where the OP is taking action on this, she needs to call his father for a heads up.
It appears that the OP knows what she wants to do. I am not trying to take sides here or be judgmental. My following advice is to facilitate her to act on her decisions. Here is my advice. Do not tell him, but get an eviction notice delivered to him. He will find out then what is happening to him is for real. I do not think anything short of this will do. I think you should provide him a couple weeks to find another place. I know this sounds cruel, but you need to do whatever it takes to follow through with your decisions. Let a post-op recovery service take him in until he is ready to be out on his own. If you can afford it, perhaps give him a couple hundred dollars which can provide him a couple days in a cheap motel, giving him time to think about what he is to do next. But from the sounds of it, you will not be able to do this. Once again, you owe him nothing at all. Matter of fact, instead of this you can pay for bus fare to his fathers place. I do not think you should leave your own place, essentially funding his stay there.
I think you can help him help himself to exit your life. For instance, contact the public services that can keep him off of the streets. Medicaid can help in this way. Bring him the pamphlets and forms that he can use to get on Medicaid and other services. You can refer him to social services. In this way, you have done everything you can do to make his exit as workable as possible for him. You do not even owe him this, but this can help with your own peace of mind. Please do not let him manipulate you into changing your mind. I think when it comes down to it he will use his medical problems to make you feel guilty. If the hospital found out he does not have the ability to find a place for himself, I think they would help him find a solution by connecting him up with a social worker. Maybe they already have one on staff.
I really admire you for taking care of yourself by taking the initiative to make decisive actions. I know many women would not of done the same things as you are doing. They may have purposely overlooked it and went along blissfully as though nothing had happened. They would rationalize this decision of theirs to do nothing. For that matter, how many would have the courage to follow through with the type of decisions that you are making? IMO not many. You are a strong lady. I suggest to continue your resolve to follow the decisions you have made and will make. Keep focused on what is important to you.
I do not know if I would of made the same decisions in the same circumstance. But I do know you need to be able to depend on yourself to follow through with your decisions. Personally, this approach has benefitted me a great deal.
IMHO
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Thanks, Tucson. I don't know if I'm all that mighty -- I've overlooked many, many things over the years. Things I'd never have believed I would. I'm
terrible with conflict. But I guess the important thing is that I am determined NOW.
I really do think
my moving is the best idea -- a fresh space, fresh start. Anything I can afford will involve being around other people, which should help me to not isolate so much, which I would likely do here. I don't feel like I'm so much funding his stay here, as a month's notice is required. (He'd already be past that and s.o.l. come next month) (Also, we keep an eye on the property for the owner and frankly, I'm pretty sick of "babysitting" some idiots that live here.)
I won't be giving him any money. He has had far too much of it already.
Social services we currently receive (in fact, my food stamps app is due again and right in the midst of all this change! Stress me out.), so he already is in their systems, but he will have to do his own paperwork now. They do have a social worker at the hospital. For sure.
I believe you are 100% accurate in saying he will try to manipulate me with his medical problems. The pity card is his favorite one. I WILL remain firm however.
On calling his dad, yes, I plan to do that as soon as I secure somewhere to go. Which will possibly be tomorrow or Monday (day of his surgery). I *hope* to be able to get everything out while he is at the hospital to not have to deal with any more unpleasantry than necessary. I will need to ask for help, maybe someone from work. I can rent a truck if need be.
I know you are not sure you would make the same decisions, Tucson, but if you were to know the full story, you probably would.
Once upon a time, a lady had a hypomanic episode.... and from this beginning, her life got turned upside down.... Perhaps one day I will tell (confess) the whole story. Perhaps not.
It may seem like I know exactly what I want, but actually, in talking with everyone here, it has helped me to firm up some thoughts, which is very helpful because the rumination has been awful.