Thank you, both of you. I can't sleep tonight and it's just got my mind thinking, which is never good.

I think the idea behind this thread is to hopefully bring me some level of peace. In real life, I really don't have a place where I can let myself put my symptoms on display. I've learned well over years and years how to hide and/or cover up my anxiety attacks, depression, bad hallucination episodes etc.. I had to learn because I got punished for displaying those things. Even though that has since changed, I don't believe most people in my life can accept it, let alone handle it. More than that, I don't believe they can accept one of the main reasons I got to this point.

Basically, because my mind is so unrelenting that I really don't have a safe place to be. Things strike me whenever they want. And I can't show that. I can't scream, I can't cry, I can't get angry, I can't be scared, I can't show vulnerability. At this point, no one currently tells me any of that, but it's so embedded in my head that I still can't do any of that. So, this is where I think I can "scream", "cry" etc.. I need a safe place because my mind won't let me have one.