It has been some time since I have been on here. I have been diagnosed with cyclothymic bipolar disorder with psychosis, borderline personality disorder, PTSD, and anxiety.

I am about to tell you something powerful. One morning on a cold rainy day. I was staring outside watching the clouds pass over the mountains. I had just been texted the day before my ex, wanting a divorce. I had no medicine. No money to see a doctor. Lastly, I was unemployed. I moved away because my ex-wife was very abusive as well as her mother was overly controlling. The people in my church turned on me and my so-called friends that belonged to my ex-wife. She cleaned me out and took everything. It was at this point, I have lived a life being taking advantage of, being treated liked crap, and treated inferior and second class to everyone. I was so tired of waking up and wanting to die all the time. I still don't know what happened on that day. But something inside me snapped.

In the last ten months, I have earned over 60 credit hours toward my degree. Nearly finished with school. I became a trained counselor and I volunteer for a crisis hotline. I also obtained my QPR and MHFA certification. I can't even count the number of suicide attempts I was able to stop. I have found in my field I want to work with emotionally disturbed children in a hospital setting. My professors can see I have the skills, attitude, and patience to do this. I quit focusing on shallow relationships, worked on building the ones I broke and sewing them together. Oh yes, it took about three months for me to be moved to management in my company from just a floor worker.

I have become the epitome of motivation for a lot of people. I have gone from always whing and complaining to taking direct leadership at my job, life, and school now. I used to always make excuses and blame everyone else. I stopped doing that, because if you ever watch someone that acts like you when your upset. It sinks in how you look. I start my Master's next year in teaching in a trauma-sensitive environment. I work 60 hours a week and finish one to two college classes a week.

I used to be very clingy and needing everyone's approval. However, I have learned to not give a f*** about anyone's opinion and the only person who is going to build my life and make it what I want to be is me. I used to always talk non-stop and share everything about my life. But now my first response is when I am upset, "its personal, I will deal with it, they are my problems."

I have stopped all my medication and seeing my doctors. I work with a therapist. She tells me all my symptoms are either gone or very well hidden.

It just got to the point, I realize when I wake up, I can choose to get out of bed and make myself a success or failure. Do I still have bad days? Um yes. But I still push myself to get the projects done and to go to work. I soon see a pattern and a change in my behavior doing this. I feel better and more productive.

So now, finishing up school and getting ready for grad school. I meet someone (more like we were childhood friends, who never realized we loved each other) who is weird, funny and has a smart ***** mouth like me. We love each other. She wants to join in my life and get her grad degree too. We have talked about going into the peace corps where she can do medical and I can teach English.

So for those you reading this and going through a hard time. Remember, so many factors go into place where your situation falls. Some biological, some psychological, some environment. But remember, ultimately if you want peace in your life, you going to have to do the work to help get you there. One thing I have learned counseling. There are people out there that want someone to fix all their problems. I used to be like that. But I come to learn it really quite annoying to be needy 24/7. Instead, try this. Teach yourself to love yourself first. Here is the thing. If you can not learn to love yourself and be happy with who you are, you won't be able to love others to the extent that they need it. Some people might say, this person hurt me. That's fine. Hate that person as much as you want, let it create flames in your eyes. But do not take it out on yourself or the rest of the world. That is spreading hatred and your only accomplishing what that person wanted in the first place. Be smart, wake up, see people for they are. Don't put yourself in a situation when someone just because you don't want to feel lonely or accepted. F*** that. The most important person in your life is you when your comfortable being alone, that means you learned to love yourself.

I bet a lot of you have dreams. But you hide them under excuses, labels, disabilities, and lack of confidence. Dreams don't die. You can't kill your dreams. They are always going to be living inside you fighting for life, and the moment you decide to chase them. You will experience true joy in life. If you don't have dreams, make some. Start educating yourself until you find something that makes you passionate.

If you do not get pissed off doing something you love, then your not passionate about it.