I put trigger warnings sometimes where they might not be needed, just to be safe. I just feel emotional now.

I've been thinking.....what if my life can't be fixed? I mean, some of the things that are making me feel the worst lately, are circumstances that I'm afraid no one can make better. I don't know what to do. I want to live, but I want a life that I feel is worth living. I'm not in a hellish situation, but I feel lonely and empty. I rarely ever feel truly happy. I am afraid things won't ever be the way I want them to be. I tell myself I have a responsibility to stay here and to help out in the world, and the truth is, when I feel I've made a positive difference in the world, it does make me feel somewhat good. I also tell myself I need to stay around and try to make things work in my life, to avoid hurting others. I really do care about these people and animals, and about the world at large, but there is a selfish part of me that just wants to scream it isn't enough. I mean, I have needs, too, and I don't feel my emotional needs are being met. At the same time, I tell myself if things aren't that bad, then it would be stupid and selfish of me to just abandon people and animals that love me, and an environment and world (full of people and animals) that need help. Yet, I want my needs met and I am afraid they will NEVER be met. I want to cry right now. I want to run to my therapist and just beg him to make it better, but he can't fix this. I like him, but at times like this, I wonder what good he's going to do me. I guess he at least is there when I need to talk to someone, if nothing else. I don't know if I can fix this. I don't know if anyone can or will fix it besides God, and I don't know if God sees fit to fix it. Maybe it is just one of those times when God thinks it best if we deal with it ourselves down here. I don't know what to do. My therapist can't make everything better. He doesn't have a perfect, infalliable magic wand. All he can do is listen and then say he understands why I'm hurt and he's sorry. He can't fix this. I feel.....I need something more and nothing I can get will fill this hole, apparently. I'm hurting right now. Some of my family doesn't understand certain thoughts I have, so I have to act like the thoughts don't exist. Even I feel bad for having them. Maybe I don't mean them at all. I want to talk to my "friend" today, but I don't know if he really considers me a friend. I think I'm too needy and freak him out and he's pushed me away. *sighs*