Jill, you are the best!! I mean that, so sincerely. [sigh] Yes I still have my appt on the 8th, almost cancelled that today too, but stopped myself. You are right, I have to try a different antidepressant, not the ones in the SRI category, either. I've tried most of them. I honestly believe if this depression doesn't get better, I won't go back to my T at all. I have two weeks now to "put up the walls and not feel it"........ He is very important to me, and because he was getting to me, I backed away. Like him, I am counting also and I felt threatened today.

I so wish I could see myself like you do. My T told me today that the standards I have for myself are unattainable - that being average or "doing my job" is the way most people are. To me, that is completely unacceptable......it means I'm not trying hard enough to be above average or that there is something wrong with me.

I got my review at work today...overall I "exceeded the standards". Know what I focused on?? The areas where I "met the standards". I looked at those as failures, and like my T said, I am doing my job........that is what I should be doing. But see, Mary Alice must always do more than just her job.....she has to be the best or she fails. He is realizing that I can't accept the idea of not being the highest achiever, of not meeting my standards.

I'm rambling........sorry. I'm just completely tired, Jill - bone weary actually. Thanks again.

Mary Alice