I keep trying to remind myself I'm tough and a fighter. I have been through so much crap in my life. I came back from severe anorexia with little else than trazodone for sleep & tons of Paxil (the Paxil drug rep must have got to the pdoc, he gave me so many samples, it was as if I'd died and gone to Paxil heaven); I saw a free county pdoc that left much to be desired (I mean, if you can hide that you weigh as little as I did from a pdoc who doesn't bother weigh you, though even an average person on the street could look at you and guess you had either an eating disorder or cancer, you can bet you are not seeing the greatest pdoc in the world). It still baffles me how that pdoc could treat me and not tell ASAP this was a likely ED case sitting before him, he didn't even need to weigh me to know he should have gotten me to the hospital STAT but yeah, it happened. It is still the toughest thing I have ever done in my life. So, yeah. I have to keep on fighting, even if it's tough and it sucks. I was so much worse off weight-wise then, and God let me find the strength somewhere to claw myself back up. Now I've got to catch myself before I fall anywhere near that, climb up, use everything I've got to get myself back to a healthier weight, with a much worse case of BP than I had back then, thanks to Paxil-fiend doc diagnosing me with major depression and no pdoc ever rediagnoising me for over 10 years, so I had a nice run on tons of SSRIs, panic disorder gets to hop on the bus too, but I'll keep on fighting.