I'm not entirely sure how to approach this without sounding mean or like I'm phishing for compliments. But as always I am one to speak my mind. I don't know how much the subject comes up for anyone else, but for me it comes up quite a bit, both externally and internally.
I relish in those moments where I actually do something that warrants the term smart *cough*roomescapes*cough* But I feel like those are far between, because the key there is I have to feel like I actively did something to deserve it rather than to just be called smart in general.
I don't know how many times anyone else gets called smart. If it happens to me more than others or less. My mom has on many occasions called me genius, with genuinely meaning to say I was exceptionally smart above others. And I know where she got it but at the same time I still don't get it...
See when I was about 12 maybe 13 I was failing all of my classes horribly. So they gave me a series of tests t judge whether I could be put in the special ed class. And while I was told the results were bizarre, I wasn't given any details apart from I scored well enough to be in the regular classes for my grade. Not too many years ago I was given a full psychological evaluation that included several intelligence related tests. The psychologist who gave the tests also used the word genius at one point. The results made a bit more sense apparently. And said I was in the top 15 percentile...which doesn't mean anything to me in any way (on that note if anyone can explain what that means please do). Even suggesting I could do well in a very prestigious school, among them Harvard...the only one he mentioned that I've actually heard of.
The thing is I did go to college and did TERRIBLE. I mean I barely graduated high school, but that was in part because the school counselor screwed up and I ended up having to make up for an entire semester at the last minute, but that is a topic all on it's own. But getting back to college, I did fine in elective classes, particularly fine art classes, but when it came to the ones I had to do like math, English, and science...I failed miserable and it took a huge toll on my mental health. I ended up dropping three classes my final semester at that college because there was no way I was going to pass them. I went abroad for a semester and managed to get a scholarship for that but it still baffles me. And when I got back home I more or less dropped out.
I feel like that's all a huge mess and I haven't even covered anything separate from my academic fails. I'm slow to pick up on new things. I have a terrible memory. Forget about catching onto anything hypothetical or theoretical. I'm a barely functional being let alone an independent reliable adult. There just doesn't seem to be anything of substance to back of any claim of me being any more intelligent than a rock.
I can't actually how I planned to conclude this, so I guess I'll leave it here and can come back if I remember.