I have thought about that before, but I've had other obsessions after that which I didn't bother to hide and wasn't embarrassed about. I didn't start being embarrassed and hiding obsessions until my mid-late teens.

I wanted to write about the first obsession as an example. When I was in first school I became obsessed with Thunderbirds (the TV show). Although it might have been weird for a girl to like this, when it was clearly aimed at boys, sometimes people ignore this if you are young enough. From the outside it probably looked a like a normal childhood obsession; I watched it when my dad was watching it, I talked about it, sang the theme tune, had a couple of toys from it, drew pictures etc.

But it was the daydreams where it got weird. I often thought about having a soft doll of one of the characters (whichever one was my favourite) and I would be carrying this around in almost all of my daydreams. When they were about other things, I would almost always add this doll in somehow. Also I had a lot of daydreams where I was a teacher talking to a class, but instead of having a blackboard with sums or words or whatever, I'd have a Thunderbirds poster and be talking about that. Sometimes it would be about something we were actually doing about at school but I changed it to be Thunderbirds themed. Sometimes it would be all about that. There was probably more ways I shoved this into normal daydreams but I can't remember now.

And then at some point I lost interest in Thunderbirds and moved onto a new obsession (cant remember what now, there were so many). And suddenly all of those daydreams were now full of the new obsession. They would be the same sort of thing (the teacher etc) but no more Thunderbirds, now they were themed around whatever the new obsession was. And this has gone on all the time, and I still do it now and I'm in my 30s. I don't daydream about being a teacher anymore but I still have the same sort of structured daydreams and then just replace the subject/object as the theme, depending on what I am obsessed with.

The main thing I am obsessed with now is an object I can't buy. Every single daydream has this object in it, even though it doesn't fit into half of them and doesn't really make sense. But it must be in. In fact most of the time I have no control over this, I just start daydreaming about them. Sometimes when I'm reading a book or something someone else has written, I'll get inspiration from that and daydream about the storyline but with me in it and the obsession object.

I know people do daydream about things they want to some extent, but I take it to the extreme. My obsessions are the centre of everything I do and think about. They completely take over. And then when the obsession ends, I completely lose interest and drop it and start on a new one. Of course there are some things that I stay interested in but somehow they dont take over the daydreams. It's only the temporary ones.

And since I started hiding/being embarrassed about them, I've become nervous if I try to buy something. Sometimes I have managed, but sometimes I just couldn't do it. And of course some objects are things I can't buy (like the current obsession) but if I could, I know that I wouldn't be able to even go and look at them. Definitely wouldn't be able to buy one. And this side obsession, I had been shopping again and looked for them but couldn't find any. Though I did feel OK, I do wonder if I ever did see them, would I be able to buy one? Would I be able to even go anywhere near?