Hey Doh,

Thanks for the response. In a way, I guess you're right. It is more important to treat symptoms and improve them, than it is to name them.

I think the reason I want an official diagnosis, is because BPD has made more sense of things than anything else has, but at the same time, while part of me relates to it a lot and feels that it makes sense of things no one has ever made sense of before, I feel I do not have the symptoms intensely enough to claim the disorder. I feel like a fake because my symptoms are not intense. Yet, at the same time, I have most of the criteria, and I have some of the symptoms to the point that they have caused significant problems in my relationships and my life. Until I found out about BPD, I didn't understand some of these issues and the therapists didn't even adress some of them, even when they were some of my main complaints. BPD helped things make more sense. It offered me some connection to others with the same issues and it gave me a reason. I felt like maybe I wasn't just whiny or mean, but I actually had a reason for what I was feeling and doing beyond being a cruel person or a soul-less thing, etc. Yet, I can't accept it is the answer until someone with more knowledge of the issue confirms that it IS the answer, after all. I feel like, if I don't have it, things will make less sense somehow.

And yes, my T is definitely hesitant to label. I don't think he does it much at all. However, I think he's noted the symptoms because he is the one whose brought up the BPD book title and told me I had a lot of abandonment hurt.

I'm not on meds though they've been recommended. I'm afraid of the side effects.