Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
It's too bad that your graduation plan has to be changed because of adults acting like children. At this point, I would say, do what you think minimizes unpleasantness. I understand you not wanting drama. These adults seem poised to create it, given half a chance. It's your day.
Not to belabor the point, but the person who has the least claim on your consideration is Mom's boyfriend. If you've reached a decision that you think is best, then go with it and don't drive yourself nuts over this. However, this issue will probably come up again in the future. I'm not saying the boyfriend is responsible for anything. Your mom did what she wanted to do. But the boyfriend has no claim to be included in any family event at this point. You should be courteous to him, but he is not "family" - not yet. What the boyfriend wants should be the least of your concerns. What the boyfriend understands is unimportant. This is not a culture clash. Ex-husbands can feel hurt seeing a former wife with a new man. That is true in every culture on earth. A nice woman doesn't flaunt her new man at a family event that her ex-husband is attending. Your dad has to eventually adjust to reality. But he should be allowed a little time to make that adjustment. Your mom was setting up a situation with no consideration for the feelings of the father of her children. That's not nice. She's apt to do this again, so be prepared. Of course, none of this is your fault.
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It's not a cultural thing? I just thought it was an American thing to make sure your partner is included in family events and celebrations. I don't have any ill feelings towards the guy, I actually feel sorry for him lol.
My T thinks that my mom has borderline personality disorder of some kind from how she reacts, behaves, etc. So this isn't a new thing she's doing. She's a bit self-centered and flies off the handle when she doesn't get what she wants.
It's just strange, this whole thing. Neither of my parents were really there for me growing up. They rarely came to my music performances and none to any of my award ceremonies. The past graduations were always dramatic and never celebratory... someone would always instigate an argument. My brother and I have dealt with it very differently, he would just get incredibly drunk on his day of graduation and avoid the family and I've just sat tight and led it ride out.
My dad is still hurt, and he makes an effort by calling me once a week (he doesn't answer when I call anymore). He just asks if I'm eating well and makes sure I'm not dead and that's what our conversations consist of these days.
My decision right now is to not walk. But I've been contemplating just having my brother there, if he wants to attend. Not sure if I want my partner to attend at all. But we'll see.